my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
