I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
