I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
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hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
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Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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