Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
