I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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