He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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