U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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