so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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