Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
