areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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