I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
