Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
