she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
