Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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