When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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