i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
