I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
