Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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