I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
