I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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