Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
