We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
