so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
