Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize