Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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