I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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