Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
