i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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