I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
