I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
