Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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