i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
