I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
