a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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