do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Barsexuality is the new black.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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