Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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