You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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