The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
