guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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