I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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