i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
