We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
