Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Watching her eat just hurts me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
