Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
