Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
