He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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