So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
