I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
