she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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