I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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