How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
