I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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