This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
