Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
