dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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