You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
