Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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