I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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