Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
