Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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