I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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