brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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