Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
