apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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