i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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