at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
