You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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