Heybabeimwearingurpanties
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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