i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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