I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
