and you said cock pushups were impossible
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
