The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it's great music for shaving your balls
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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