Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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