Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
