I think I died a long time ago.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
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