The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize