I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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