We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
