Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm passing your future prison.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
where are my eyebrows?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
