My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
